BIBLOS

Morning. INT of a rather plush reception area leading to an office. A secretary, SALLY wearing spectacles and looking like something from the 1950’s, has her head in a womans magazine. A man, DAVID, waits also reading a magazine. He is wearing fawn chinos, and a white tee-shirt beneath a faded denim jacket, on his feet are a pair of espadrilles.

After a short time a buzzer sounds on SALLY’s desk, she coughs and smiles…

    SALLY
Mr Murbridge and Mr Thomas will see you now.

    DAVID
Oh, great thanks.
 

DAVID stands…

    SALLY
It’s just through there.
 

…and moves towards the door.
 

    DAVID
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
 

Inscribed on the frosted glass door is the name A. J. MURBRIDGE. David pushes the handle, it begins to open. DAVID steps inside…

Hi! Mr Murb…

The office, breathtaking as it is, is not the largest in the building, for that is the domain of a certain Mr Goldstein, the head of the studio.

 As DAVID enters the two figures stand to greet him.
The elder, more senior and more portly is A.J. The other is his small, weasle-like P.A.- THOMAS. To this day Murbridge doesn’t know if Thomas is his first or last name.
 

    MURBRIDGE
Hi! David. How goes it?

    DAVID
Hello Mr Murbridge.

MURBRIDGE
You know Thomas.

    DAVID
Yes, no; I mean we’ve spoken on the phone.

    MURBRIDGE
David, this is Thomas, Thomas this is…

    THOMAS
David McReady.(pronounced Mack Ready)

    DAVID
It’s McReady.(pronounced Muckreedy)

    MURBRIDGE
Now, David. Take a seat. I hear you’ve got something that’s a bit of a departure, but first of all could I just say…

    DAVID
 (seating himself)

Is it my last two…

    MURBRIDGE
Yes it is.

    DAVID
Okay… Go on…

    MURBRIDGE
Well, first; I’m informed there already is a kind of monkey called a spider monkey, and that they don’t need to be bitten by radioactive spiders to become spider monkeys.

    DAVID
Right.
 

    MURBRIDGE
And two… Winston Smith finding and killing Big Brother. Not gonna happen.
 

    DAVID
Yeah, I know, you’re right; but this is really different.

    MURBRIDGE
Well all I can say is it’d better be.

    DAVID
It is. It’s based on a book I’m writing.

    THOMAS
Name?

    DAVID
Err, not sure yet.

    THOMAS
Needs a name, a working title.

    MURBRIDGE
No it doesn’t , shut up Thomas. Now, go on David…

    DAVID
Okay… You’ve got the world as it is right?

   MURBRIDGE & THOMAS
Right.

    DAVID
Forget it. Forget Darwinism, forget evolution. Man did not evolve from ape nor amoeba.

    MURBRIDGE
Amoeba?

    THOMAS
It’s a single celled organism sir.

    MURBRIDGE
Erm, okay, you want us to forget the theory of evolution, all right, then how…
    DAVID
It didn’t happen, okay. Instead we have this being who creates earth, creates everything. He creates the universe.

    MURBRIDGE
What’cha mean? What kinda being?
 

    DAVID
Well that’s the beauty, no-one really knows. He’s everywhere but you can’t see him; He touches everything, but you can’t touch him - he’s invisible.

    THOMAS
Like a ghost?

    DAVID
Huh, well yes and no. More like a huge transdimensional entity; he’s omnipotent.

    MURBRIDGE
What, he can’t get it up?

    DAVID
No, he’s all seeing, all knowing, all encompassing.

MURBRIDGE
I’m not sure I follow, but go on. He creates the universe, how long does that take him?

    DAVID
Not sure yet, I was thinking a week.

    THOMAS
A week! Is that a five day week or six? Because the unions…

DAVID
Er… six. He rests on the seventh, he’s kinda tired.

    MURBRIDGE
Sunday, he can have the Sunday off, we all have Sunday off.

    THOMAS
Err…

    DAVID
Right, but before he rests he creates mankind. One man and one woman. He uses the mans rib to make the woman, sounds weird but it’ll work on film.

    MURBRIDGE
Okay, what does he do then?

    DAVID
Well not that much, he just sits back, watches and… is.
 

    MURBRIDGE
Whatcha mean… is? He can’t just be, he’s gotta do something.

    DAVID
Well he makes up rules n’ stuff.

    MURBRIDGE
Rules?

    DAVID
You know, guidelines… Thou (that means you) shall not steal, thou shall not kill.

    MURBRIDGE
Those are good rules.

    DAVID
Thanks, and well if these rules are broken you get punished.

    THOMAS
What like being sent to space limbo jail, I don’t think so.

DAVID
No, he’s more likely to turn rivers to blood, or send plagues of locusts or boils.

    THOMAS
Eurgh!

    DAVID
Exactly, he’s quite the dictator.

    MURBRIDGE
So when does all this take place?

  DAVID
Oh, thousands of years ago.

    THOMAS
Making these first people what… Cro-Magnon?

    DAVID
No they’re like us – tool users.

    THOMAS
David, chimps use tools.
 

    DAVID
When I say a few thousand years ago I mean the main part of the story isn’t that long ago, but the … “creation” as I like to call it took place in the year four thousand and four B.C.

    MURBRIDGE
B.C. What’s B.C?

    DAVID
Oh, he has a son.

    MURBRIDGE
What this being?

    DAVID
Yeah, B.C. - Before Christ. Get it?

    THOMAS
Isn’t that a bit similar to Chris?

    DAVID
No, that’s his surname; his first name is Jesus.

    MURBRIDGE
Hmmm… sounds too Spanish… What about John, John Christ?

    DAVID
No, it’s gotta be Jesus. Jesus of Nazareth.

    THOMAS
Cheeses of Nazareth, this isn’t one of those product placement tie-ins is it?

    DAVID
No, Jesus with a…

    THOMAS
Because we can’t go round advertising Middle-Eastern dairy products.

    DAVID
No, Jeeesus, with a J… It’s just a name.

    MURBRIDGE
Okay, so what happens to him?
 

    DAVID
Well this is where we join the story. Everything I’ve just told you – the “creation” I was thinking of doing as an establishing montage.

    MURBRIDGE
Yeah, I can see that.

    DAVID
Okay, Jesus…

    MURBRIDGE
John.

    DAVID
Jesus is the son of this being but he’s born on earth to two regular Joes, Mary and Joseph; he’s into carpentry and she’s a virgin.

    MURBRIDGE
She’s a virgin… Wait a minute…

    DAVID
Yeah, anyway, well he grows up and goes round getting into scrapes, you know; healing the sick, preaching, raising the dead, that sort of thing.

    MURBRIDGE
People don’t like do-gooders.

    THOMAS
Yeah, no-one likes a smart-alec David

DAVID
He’s not. That’s the point, he’s really quite humble. Anyway he gets captured by the Romans and crucified.

    MURBRIDGE
Romans?

    THOMAS
Crucified?

    DAVID
He gets captured by the ruling state, and put to death.

    MURBRIDGE
What for being the son of this thing?

    DAVID
Yes!

MURBRIDGE
And although he’s tryna help people, they persecute him because they don’t understand.

    DAVID
Yes! Now we’re erm…

    THOMAS
Getting somewhere?

    DAVID
Yes!

    MURBRIDGE
So how do they catch him if he’s invisible?

    DAVID
He’s not invisible, he’s a man.

    MURBRIDGE
What? Well how big is he?

    DAVID
Same as you and me I guess. He’s normal.

    MURBRIDGE
So no special powers?

    DAVID
No.

    MURBRIDGE
No X-ray vision? Please tell me he can fly.

    DAVID
Well, no… He can walk on water and turn water into wine.

THOMAS
Can he walk on wine?

    DAVID
Yes probably, if he had to.

    MURBRIDGE
(Standing, then rubbing stomach and patting head)
Can he do this?

    DAVID
Yes!

    THOMAS
That’s all well and good in a party situation, but not much good in a fight.

    DAVID
He doesn’t have fights… Apart from his ongoing struggle against evil.

    MURBRIDGE
  (Again standing)
Yes! Evil in the form of a giant robot centipede!

    DAVID
No, no, no, no, no.

    MURBRIDGE
  (sitting)
What then?

    DAVID
Well in the form of another super-being. Good and Evil.

    THOMAS
You can’t call them that.

    DAVID
I actually call them God and Devil. Drop an ‘O’ and add a ‘D’.

    MURBRIDGE
So how do they fight?

    DAVID
Well they don’t fight per se, more a battle of wits.

    MURBRIDGE
Like chess?

    DAVID
A bit like chess, yeah. I’ll give you an example; The Devil, (that’s evil) stands Christ on the top of the highest cliff there is and says “If you bow down and worship me then all you see will be yours.” And Christ says… “No… It’s not yours to give away.”
 

    MURBRIDGE
Whoa! I like it, a real battle of wits. What else does he do?

    DAVID
Well, later on there’s these two fishermen who can’t catch a thing. Jesus turns up and says “Cast your nets to the other side of the boat.” And…

    MURBRIDGE
  (earnestly)
Don’t tell me, lemme guess, they catch a bundle of fish. Genius. What else?

DAVID
Err… Okay. He fasts in the desert for forty days and forty nights.

    MURBRIDGE
Forty days and nights, I find that’s pushing the boundaries of belief. Can’t he just give up something else like, I dunno… Candy?

    DAVID
He probably doesn’t eat candy.

    MURBRIDGE
Well he needs some kinda vice David. Does he smoke, gamble what?

    DAVID
No, not really.

    MURBRIDGE
He needs a vice, a trademark.

    THOMAS
Something the audience can identify with.

    DAVID
Well there is this scene where he trashes his father’s house.

    MURBRIDGE
Perfect. Every teenagers done that I’m sure. More, c’mon.

    DAVID
Hmm, what else d’ya wanna know?
 

   MURBRIDGE
Everything: Where does he hang out, who with, who are these fishermen, what kinda relationship does he have with them? Is he gay, is he straight? Which hand does he wipe his ass with… He does wipe his ass doesn’t he?

    DAVID
Well it’s not in the script.

    MURBRIDGE
Good, that’s the secret, never show a hero on the john… Unless not wiping his ass is another vice… No… forget that, carry on.

    DAVID
He has these followers who do believe he’s the son of God.

    MURBRIDGE
Good, how many?

    DAVID
Twelve, well thirteen.

    MURBRIDGE
Too many. You need two or three, two, two.

    DAVID
I suppose there could be two main ones, character wise.

    MURBRIDGE
Yeah three’s good. Thomas, example.

    THOMAS
Kirk, Spock and Bones.

    MURBRIDGE
There. Do we have names?

    DAVID
Well one through thirteen at the moment. One of them doubts that he is the son of God.

    MURBRIDGE
Needs a name.

    DAVID
Err…
 

    MURBRIDGE
(Palms facing up both hands point at THOMAS)

Thomas! There we go.

    DAVID
All right, and there’s the thirteenth one, he’s not really a follower cos he betrays Jesus to the Romans.

    MURBRIDGE
Who are these Romans?

    DAVID
Well they’re the state, like an imperial state.

    MURBRIDGE
Stormtroopers?

    DAVID
Yeah. If you like.

    MURBRIDGE
So how does he betray him, why?

    DAVID
He gives away Jesus’ hiding place in exchange for thirty pieces of silver.

    MURBRIDGE
Good, money; greed, good.

DAVID
But Jesus knows, he says to him “Before the cock crows you will betray me three times.”

    MURBRIDGE
Cock?

    DAVID
Cockerell, it’s like a chicken or something, I dunno.

    MURBRIDGE
Chicken?

    THOMAS
It’s a large mythological bird, sir.
 

    MURBRIDGE
Oh, and they put him in prison. But wait, I think I can see where you’re headed here… Which one was it? He has a change of heart and uses the thirty pieces of silver to buy him out of jail.

    DAVID
Well, no. They kill him.

MURBRIDGE
What, no!

DAVID
Yeah, wait, hear me out… They kill him but…

MURBRIDGE
Well why, how? How do they kill him?

    DAVID
Well I call it crucifixion. It’s this long, painful death, drawn out over a couple of days. What they do is nail him to a huge wooden cross…

 (DAVID stands, arms outstretched, head tilted to side)

…and is left there for everyone to see.

    MURBRIDGE
That’s pretty sick David.

    DAVID
Thanks.

    MURBRIDGE
(making a makeshift camera with his hands, which point to DAVID)

It’ll look great though.

DAVID
He has to carry the cross on his back through the streets, oh and wear a crown of thorns.

    MURBRIDGE
Yeah… A crown made of thorns. Thomas, make a note of that.

THOMAS
So who rescues him?
 

    DAVID
No-one, he dies on the cross for our sins.

    MURBRIDGE
What?

    DAVID
Oh nothing, it’s just a line I was toying with.

    THOMAS
David, he can’t die.

  DAVID
No, he has to, that’s the point… Oh, he comes back.

    MURBRIDGE
From the dead?

    DAVID
Yeah.

    THOMAS
Pointless. Why die in the first place?

    MURBRIDGE
No, he dies in order to come back, right David?

    DAVID
Right!

    MURBRIDGE
He comes back for a while…(thinking) How long does he come back for?

    DAVID
Oh three days.

    THOMAS
Or three sequels.

    DAVID
Or three sequels.

    MURBRIDGE
For three days, to prove to the audience he really is the son of this… God.
 

    DAVID
If you like. And people then worship him, all over the world, for the rest of eternity…

 (They all pause in a moment of silent contemplation)
 

    THOMAS
Okay, target audience?

    MURBRIDGE
Well anyone who’s dumb enou… Can suspend disbelief enough for ninety minutes.

    THOMAS
And three sequels.

    DAVID
And three sequels.

(There is a pause. MURBRIDGE seems still to be thinking. DAVID and THOMAS exchange glances.)

MURBRIDGE
Yep, okay. David, I like it, I like it a lot and I think this could, and I say could be the one.

    DAVID
You like it?

    MURBRIDGE
I love it… So long as he comes back.

    DAVID
Well he does, he does… I don’t know what to say.

    MURBRIDGE
Say thank you David.

    DAVID
Thank you.

    MURBRIDGE
There’ll be some paperwork I imagine… and my people, Thomas probably, will be in touch with your people. It’ll have to be sometime next week, or even the week after, okay?

    DAVID
Err, yeah, fine… whatever.

    MURBRIDGE
I’m sorry to hurry you, David, I’ve another meeting.

    THOMAS
Yes, it’s eleven-thirty now sir.

    MURBRIDGE
Sally will see you out.

    DAVID
Well, thanks again, Mr Murbridge.

 DAVID leans across the desk and shakes him by the hand.

I look forward to hearing from you. I really do…

He starts towards the door, turns, smiles, turns back and walks through the door. As it closes behind him, he utters the word “yes.” In reception is a man sitting where DAVID sat moments before. They give each other an obligatory nod of the head and smile of acknowledgement

         CUT TO INT of MURBRIDGE’s office. MURBRIDGE and THOMAS have not moved.

MURBRIDGE
Well, what d’ya think?

    THOMAS
It’s certainly workable… it’s…

    MURBRIDGE
It’s Dr Zhivago, It’s Ghandi, It’s a masterpiece.

    THOMAS
Mmm, yeah it’s… an opus.

    MURBRIDGE
Few changes here and there obviously, maybe a love interest.

    THOMAS
Obviously…

    MURBRIDGE
You know Thomas; apart from being the ramblings of a madman, it’s genius.

    THOMAS
There’s a fine line between madman and genius sir.

    MURBRIDGE
That there is, Thomas; that there is… Who’s the eleven thirty?

    THOMAS
  (Looking at the schedule on his desk)

Er… Chrichton, M. Chrichton again.

    MURBRIDGE
Oh, boy. What’s it this time; another theme park gone wrong?

    THOMAS
Err… Yes sir.

    MURBRIDGE
Robot cowboys or dinosaurs?

    THOMAS
It’s a yeti theme park sir, in Nepal… Gone wrong.
 

         FADE TO BLACK.
 

FADE IN on a small cinema, DAVID, MURBRIDGE and THOMAS find their seats in the front row. Others are already seated behind them. After a short time the projector is fired up and the mandatory countdown from ten flashes onto the screen.

The ensuing trailer is for DAVID’s multi-million dollar film. It begins with a black screen, and a Charlton Heston like voiceover:

  “In the beginning, when God created the universe, the earth was formless and desolate… Then God commanded “Let there be light”

The screen bursts to life with a bright white flash. The earth is seen from space. The sun emerges across the horizon, sunburst flooding the screen.

“He placed the lights in the sky to shine on the earth, to rule over the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God was pleased with what he saw…”

We travel through clouds towards America’s west coast:

“Until there came a time when the line between light and dark, between good and evil had become blurred by malice, by corruption and by crack cocaine…

And so it came to pass that the son of God was born unto earth…”

Again the screen lights up with an explosion… The words appear with a metallic clunk as they are spoken…

   “Bruce Willis is… John Christ!”

The trailer continues in the vain of your average Hollywood movie-trailer; car chases, explosions, helicopters all appear as expected. One-liners are exchanged between the main characters whilst they tumble, somersault and shoot their way through the hi-octane short.

   “At a cinema near you from November second.”

         FADE TO BLACK.
 A small applause can be heard.