It’s interview day, ahhhh!! The day starts off ok, the birds are singing, the sun is out and even your alarm goes off in time. Yes, you can feel it in your blood, It’s going to be a good day, nothing will go wrong. You leave home for the interview in a positive mood and a bounce in your step. You whistle away in tune with the birds. Suddenly! across the road, you spot your bus, the bus you cannot, in any circumstance miss, The interview is for your dream job, you can’t be late. You jump up and down, waving like a madman at the driver, doing anything to attract his attention. He looks at you with a smug grin on his face and drives off without you, tooting his horn.

A string of expletives erupt from your mouth, words you didn’t even know you knew spill out. You swear that you will seek revenge. Half an hour later, the bus arrives and immediately breaks down. This can’t be happening! Please let it be a dream, It’s not. The birds are still chirping away, they now annoy you, what are they so happy about?

Finally, after almost having a nervous breakdown, you reach the station. Ok, everything will be fine, you tell yourself, you still have loads of time as you left home with hours to spare. It can’t be true, but it is! The train is there on time, waiting for you. You have a manic grin on your face and everyone thinks you look mad. Unfortunately, this temporary happiness doesn’t last. The train is going nowhere. Due to a signal and points failure, the wrong kind of rain, cows and horses on the line, the train cannot go. You might as well give up now, by the time you get to the interview, it will be time to go home again. Just as you are about to leave the station, a garbled announcement comes over the loud speaker. No one can understand what is being said, because the person speaking sounds as if he has eaten a sheep, underwater! You spot a guard who tells you that the train difficulties have now been sorted out. He smiles at you as if to say, give me a medal, instead you push him in the gob.

Of course there are no seats, so you attempt to hold onto the thingymegig above your head which keeps you steady. Upon closer inspection, it looks rather like a phallic symbol and you start to smile… Anyway, because you are only 5 ft nothing, you can’t reach the bloody thing, so you fall over when the train comes to a sudden halt in-between stations. It waits and waits and waits and waits….You are squeezed in-between two very tall people, you can smell the sweat from the persons arms, yuk! Your eyes dart around looking at everyone, waiting in anticipation to see who makes a slight movement, as if they are about to get up. They do. You run for the seat, but some other idiot is doing the same. So you throw your bag onto the seat and claim what is rightfully yours.

You can now relax. You’re on the train, you have a seat and you can sit and think without any disturbances, Wrong! Some old biddy is seated next to you and catches your eye, from then on, there’s no stopping her. She proceeds to tell you her whole life story, down to the nitty gritty. You now know that her husband ran off with another woman after she found them in bed. You have inside information about how often they had sex, down to the size of her hubby’s manhood. You can’t take much more or you’ll go mad. There’s worse yet. You are now told that due to a bomb scare, they are not stopping at the next station. No!! You can’t take it any more. That’s your stop, they can’t do that. You start to bang on the doors, demanding to be let out.

At the next station, 2 police officers escort you from the train and you are charged with causing a disturbance. You tell them you have an interview, luckily they take pity on you. You have caught them on a good day and they offer to drive you there. They even put on flashing lights so you will get there faster! Finally you arrive at the interview. As you step out of the police car, a smartly dressed man walks into the same building and gives you a funny look, you pull a face back at him. You are so relieved, you have got to the interview just on time, even though you are pouring with sweat and look like you have been wrestling with a kangaroo. Everything will be fine, the door opens and you are greeted by the smartly dressed man who you’ve just pulled a face to. Oh no, how are you going to explain this…!