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Name : Sue Simpson (Sooz) Email : sooz.006@virgin.net
Location :  Cumbria, England Date : 15/06/2002

The Angels are making stew, and gabriels using profanities again!

The kitchens in the halls of Celestial Paradise were a hive of industrious activity. Gabriel was pouncing round sticking his chest out and profaning in the most colourful of language at the top of his lungs, his normally gentle melodic voice gripped by a harsh nasty edge. This behavior was not because he had become suddenly that way inclined, but because he was the Chef, and drawing on his observations of chefs down on earth, that’s the way one ought to behave.

The idea seemed to be, to have your underlings cowering in corners and reduced to either tears or suicide (it makes no difference which) in the shortest possible time. Gabriel found that the use of the term “Dog Breath” worked particularly well on Temerity, who dissolved into helpless floods of tears everytime he used it.

He felt very grand, in his blue and white checked pants and tall white hat. He did find though that the white tunic and apron were rather restrictive on the wings. Aurora, mother of all angels and Gabriels wife, was busy peeling the wisdom at the sink. It had been a good year for wisdom crops, making it very reasonable in the market, so she had bought plenty of it.

Temerity was in charge of chopping the compassion and empathy. For this recipe, the mixture had to be just right, one part empathy to three parts compassion. Of course everyone knows how chopping compassion and empathy, makes you cry, and being called dog breath at regular intervals only compounded the problem. She tried the old Angels method of drinking fifteen pints of bitter while swinging a Harley Davidson round your head, until it was pointed out to her that that’s the *Hells Angel’s* method. So she tried dipping her wings in vinegar while singing “Oh hale and hallowed portals of goodness” at the top of her voice but the only difference it made was to bring forth a fresh barrage of abuse from Gabriel, who was enjoying himself immensely, still she continued to sniffle. One part empathy to three parts compassion with three tears and a glob of nasal mucus lovely.

Felicity who was a rather naughty angel, went directly against Gabriels orders and added a cup and a half of sex appeal to the pot when nobody was looking. Gabriel had strictly forbidden the use of this in the stew after the mess left behind on earth from the sexual revolution of the sixties. He had had to work three earth decades of overtime to clear up after that one, he was still sexually repressed poor man, and Aurora had given up smiling about that time too.

Three cups of pleasant disposition went in, one of tenderness, and four of humour. Jinty was stirring it all together. It was time to add the herbs. A pinch of irresistible to humans. Jinty shook her head sadly as she remembered the fate of Bosun the Boxer dog, after he had fallen into a vat of irresistible to humans. Mr. Cummings the high court earth judge was still in prison apparently after that sorry episode, and as for Bosun well all his offspring are born bow legged too. This was a crucial part of the proceedings, the amount had to be just right, knowing the character of the earthlings add too much irresistible to humans, and they would be murdering each other in their beds to steal the angel stew. A pinch of honesty, sixteen cloves of kindness, a pint and a half of love, again have to be very careful with that one, infidelity was rife last year when celestine mistook gallons for pints.

Finally it was time for the last ingredient to go into the pot, a pinch of do unto others. Unfortunately just as Destiny was about to add it, one of the cherubic sons of Cupid came hurtling through the kitchen and knocked Destiny’s arm, the whole drum of do unto others fell into the pot. There was a shocked silence, they waited with baited breath for an explosion from the normally mild and easygoing Gabriel, but he just laughed.

“ No harm done” he said. So they just added a little more honesty and compassion to compensate.

Jinty shook her wings over the cooking pot, and a fine shower of angel dust, drifted over the top of the gravy. This was to make wishes come true she said sweetly. That night a ramekin of Angel Stew was placed at the bedside of every human on earth. The effect was remarkable. Soldiers laid down their arms, hugging the enemy and calling him “Friend”. Strangers met in the street, smiled, and remembered what it was like in the old days when people took the time and trouble to do that. The bullies helped the weak, and the rich aided the poor. The angels looked down from the Celestial halls of Paradise and wondered what to make for dessert.

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