Four people who have come together to start a television station in their spare time. It's a comedy following the characters they meet and the lives they lead.

 Episode Six
Scene One:
Internal: Video Shop
Mike sitting looking at his
tangerine. David standing
concentrating on paperwork.
- Fade In -

Mike sitting behind the counter looking at his tangerine
David is leaning on the counter with his arm supporting his
chin as he concentrates on paper, paper...work!

Mike: Look at the size of this beauty. A fine specimen.

- David looks over his shoulder -

David: Genetically modified, definitely. Where did you find it?

Mike: Barry on the market.

David: Well Barry’s well known in local scientific circles for his strong beliefs about genetic enhancement of fruit and veg.

Mike: Well I didn’t know that. Barry? I wouldn’t have spotted it.

- David shakes his head as his sarcastic retort is missed -

I thought I'd just got lucky. I’d found an extra large tangerine. It would solve a lot of problems. When visiting sick people, you could just buy one big tangerine instead of loads of small ones. From a personal point of view it would cure my yearning for tangerines. This one big tangerine would do it for me in one go. You see normally, like most people I buy a bag of small ones, have a couple, then the rest just stay there. Start rotting, going mouldy green. Then they start to smell; a smell likes no other, something only the nostrils of an antelope have come across. Then, then! They let off this dust, a green mouldy dust, which is probably harmful to some part of your body. Eyebrows, nipples, something.

David: Are you going to eat it or not Mike?

Mike: Errrrr....no

David: You were drinking Guinness again last night weren’t you

Mike: As a matter of fact, yes and now I’m having the intellectual, thought provoking haze of a hangover. It’s probably got fish DNA in it to make it bigger. But if it has, why isn’t it the shape of a fish?

David: I really wish you’d stop drinking Guinness. At least when you drink Stella you just become a racist and a bigot the next morning. When you have a Guinness hangover you start philosophising about crap.

Mike: Call me a traditionalist but I like to keep my fish and fruit on separate plates. That’s just me though. Well I prefer my fruit in a bowl and my fish on a plate. Unless, it’s prawn cocktail, then I like it in a large wineglass with lettuce and tomatoes and the sauce.

David: Tomatoes Mike are technically a fruit.

Mike: Very true, very true. My argument is floored. I actually like to mix my fruit and fish. I’m shocked. I thought I knew eating habits and my palate. I’m a mystery unto myself.

David: Are you going to eat it then?

Mike: What?

David: The tangerine Mike!

Mike: No.

David: Your arguments floored. You admitted it yourself. You mix fruit and veg.

Mike: Maybe it’s cow DNA. Do you think you could get mad cows disease through a genetically modified tangerine?

David: You know...I don’t know Mike

Mike: Ummmm, the pips are probably massive anyway. I could choke on them and I don’t know anyone who can do that manoeuvre thing.

David: It could be pip less?

Mike: How the hell do they do that? Do they have a machine, a de-piping machine? If so, why don’t we see the holes? Then what really pisses me off is when you buy seedless fruit and they have seeds in them. Why do the bastards do that? I bet there’s two toothless rednecks in a shed somewhere chuckling whilst they put seedless stickers on fruit with seeds. Brussels should get on to that.

- Customer walks into the store, returning a video.
Mike recognises him -

Mike: Ahhh, Colin you might know. How do they make fruit?
seedless?

- Colin: Early 30’s. Glasses. Loud shirt. Still gets bum fluff on his chin. Very small man, who is slightly hunched in his stance.
Lacks a sense of humour.

Colin: I don’t have time for such trivial matters when there is a crusade to be fought.

Mike: Crusade? Oh yeah, the crusade. Still going then?

Colin: Someone has to fight for the rights of the minorities, who are discriminated against on a daily basis by the beautiful people of the media.

Mike: Yessss, you haven’t met David yet, have you?

David: Know we haven’t. So what are you campaigning for? I myself take an interest in civil rights and liberties of minority groups within society.

Colin: That’s good to hear Colin David. To many people take their civil liberties for gran...

- David interrupts Colin -

David: Sorry my names David

Colin: I’m well aware of that Colin David

David: You just done it again. It’s just David. Only David

- Mike jumps in before another lap is completed-

Mike: Ah you see Dave that’s part of Colin’s strategy.
The pressure groups strategy.

David: Sorry I don’t quite understand

Colin: It’s the organisations and my aim to rid the world of the negative connotations associated with Colin.

Mike: See part of Col’s plan

- Colin gives Mike a violent glance-

Sorry Colin’s plan, is that the more he, we, use the name Colin the more accepted it will become and eventually everyone will forget the negative stereotype associated with the name. I don’t see the problem myself. The cartoon dog that advertised Quavers was called Colin and I thought he was pretty cool, for a dog.

Colin: Yes thank you Colin Mike. I’m actually the leader of the organisation and we have groups in all the major cities of the world. Except Tokyo where Colin has never been a popular name. We are planning our first global demonstration in a few days. I have set up a website, which is the heartbeat of the organisation. I’ll co-ordinate it from there relaying information to my generals in the major cities of the world. We as the Colinists will fight the good fight as a global movement. We will uncover the plots and conspiracies, which push us, down and confine us to misery. Colinists will be victorious. You gentlemen are witnessing one of the most defining moments in history.

David: We should cover this rally. How would you feel about me coming to the demonstration to get some footage we can broadcast? It would help spread the word

Colin: Umm. You’d have to be called Colin for the day, not Colin David. A few of the members are extreme in their views to non Colin’s. Don’t bring any id with your name on it, which could give you away. Oh and I’d get final say when the footage is edited.

David: Well I’m not...

- Colin interrupts-

Colin: Good

Mike: You’re actually taking him seriously, he’s a loon.

David: He’s fighting for what he believes in Mike.

Mike: Come on then, exactly how many Colinists will be at this demonstration?

Colin: That’s confidential information. Which is highly sensitive and cannot get into the hands of the authority. Walls have ears!

Mike: You’re talking bollocks!

David: And you weren’t earlier with tangerines Mike!

Mike: That’s different and you know it.

Colin: Another pressure group will be joining us. I’ll have to get their permission to film as well. Although that could be a problem.

Mike: Here we go.

David: What’s the problem?

Colin: Well it’s hard to tell if any of them will turn up firstly. They don’t really have the passion of us Colinists that’s something we take pride in. You they are anarchists by nature.

David: Anti - capitalists? Now that would be good.

Colin: Nothing as main stream as champagne socialists. No they are the gingerist movement. They aren’t anarchists by choice. You see it’s a well-known fact that ginger people don’t get on with one another. But don’t them that, they’ll accuse you of enforcing a negative ginger stereotype.

Mike: But it’s true!

Colin: The movement is made up of one-man cells, which refuse to talk to one another.

David: Fascinating

Colin: When you see a ginger person walking down a street alone, they are actually on protest march. Fighting against the ginger oppressors of the world. Blondes just wanna have fun, gingers just get angry.

Mike: What if your ginger and named Colin, who do you belong to then?

Colin: They have their own movement we don’t believe in cross breading, we only want purist Colin’s and sympathises.

Mike: What are they called then?

Colin: GOC.


- Fade Out -

Copyright Colin Pearson 2002s.